Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah

One of Gideon's favorite rides at Disney World was Splash Mountain. It has its origins from the 1946 Disney movie Song of the South, (currently out of production due to its "southern content") which features Uncle Remus, Br'er Rabbit, the Tar Baby, and the laughing place. But even if you haven't heard of any of that, I'm sure you've heard (and probably even sung) some lines from its famous song, Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.

Well, yesterday Gideon was running around the house all morning singing, "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee,ay! My oh my what a beautiful day!" over and over again.

And I really had to agree with him.

It seems as though, once again, God is already protecting me from and preparing me for the upcoming would-be due date for Benjamin. It's just days away now, and I expected to be forlorn, introspective, and a permanent resident of the land of "what if" by now.

Instead, I'm singing zip-a-dee-doo-dah.

We returned from Florida to beautiful, fall weather, and the crisp air feels like a hug from God Himself. I am keenly aware of and humbly thankful for my many, many blessings, and I can truly feel the Joy of my salvation, plus the Joy of life itself. I love my husband, our boys, our home, our friends, our family, our church. But mostly, I love that my God is a God of comfort, because I feel like He's given me divine chicken noodle soup and hot tea in the midst of the flu.

But here's what is so strange. He hasn't necessarily given me any new or different blessing than, say, a month ago.

He's just given me the ability to see and notice the blessings I already have.

So often when we go through trying times, we pray that God will "fix it." Maybe we want a rewind button or a fast forward button so we can skip past the funk or return to better days. But God is not in the business of undoing anything.

Instead, we should pray to see our circumstances through His eyes. Our blessings rather than our trials. The eternal rather than the temporal. His sovereignty rather than His mystery.

Comfort does not come in skipping over the grief. It comes in being carried through it.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. - Psalm 28:7

I don't know about you, but I think Uncle Remus stole Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah from David. :-)

Dear Little One,

Dear Tiny Occupant of my Tummy,

First, let me apologize that it's taken me so long to write to you. To be honest, I have been hesitant to tell you hello for fear that hello would lead to goodbye.

And I've had enough goodbyes lately.

But that's a story for another day, and for now, let me just say how excited I am that you are on your way to us! Even now, God is knitting you together and I cannot wait to see His masterpiece!

You are already loved! You are already special! You already have a great purpose in life that someday your Creator will reveal to you.

We may get to see you again on Friday if Dr. Nguyen brings us to the ultrasound room again, and I am so excited about that possibility. I pray God keeps you safe. I pray He keeps you healthy.

But mostly, I pray that your life will glorify Him.

I'm so excited to meet you in March!

Love,
Mommy

A Little Escape

When I miscarried the first time, it happened to be during the same time that Gideon stopped nursing. Now, women can experience post-partum depression at about any stage during or after pregnancy, but I've read that when a child finally weans himself, the change in hormones for the mother can be a trigger for depression.

Needless to say, when Gideon was weaned and we learned that I'd miscarried all in a matter of a couple of weeks, it did not do well for my emotions.

I remember crying. A lot.

Then when we didn't get pregnant again as soon as we hoped, I desperately needed something, anything, to look forward to to help the whole depression thing go away.

I know I should be saying that I turned to Scripture 100% and prayed and fasted my way through it, but that wouldn't be the entire truth. Obviously, my faith in my wonderful, sovereign Father and the ways He's proved Himself Good over and over again were my primary help. Like 99% of it...

But we also decided to go to Disney World, and I gotta admit, that helped me too! :-)

So when we lost Benjamin, I told Jason in passing one day that I hoped I didn't get so depressed we'd have to go to Disney World again just to get me out of it.

Well, that's all I had to say and within a matter of weeks, (maybe even days?) we had another trip booked.


We just returned from spending nine days at Disney World, and all I can do is praise God for allowing us to go on such an amazing trip. It was so wonderful to spend all day with my boys, and to see their little eyes light up at the simplest things (getting photos taken with characters, rollercoasters, bus rides, fireworks!) was just the most amazing thing ever!

Of course, beneath the surface of the pixie dust and mouse ears, I thought about a lot while in the Magic Kingdom.

I thought about the first time that Jason and I went to Disney World - before we had kids - and how I watched all of the parents pushing around their worn out little kiddos in strollers and how I prayed that God would bless us with that same expereince someday. He did (and thank you!)

I thought about Benjamin, of course, and the truth that if he was still with us, I'd be at home on last-minute baby countdown mode awaiting his arrival instead of standing in line to see Buzz Lightyear. For some reason, God thought we should be here instead, so while I still don't understand it, I'll focus on the good that comes from the bad and thank Him for it.


And I thought about our other child, still in my tummy, unknown to us but fully known to God. And I thought about how even when I'm hugging Cinderella or riding the monorail or Soarin' over a virtual California landscape, God is there in it all - holding us both in His hands, knitting another little soul one divine stitch at a time.

And I really started to look forward to meeting our next little child...

Still Here

I've been pretty quiet the last few weeks, but that is typical of the first trimester for me. It was strange going from three months or so of feeling sick and exhausted, to having six weeks off, to going to another three months of feeling sick and exhausted again! I'm not complaining, but I will say I wouldn't want to do it again back-to-back like that.

I'm almost to the second trimester, and we still haven't make any blanket annoucements yet, but people are slowly beginning to find out we're expecting again. Apparently, my stomach did not get the memo on keeping things quiet and is giving me away pound by pound!

I'm enjoying the anticipation of fall, but with each day, I'm acutely aware that October 10th is getting closer and closer...

Special Request

So Gideon does not know that a baby is on the way, but lately he has had "baby fever!" He has asked me several times when I'm going to have another baby in my tummy, and I just tell him that it depends on when God blesses us with one. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Because I want one!"

The funny part is that when I offer to pray for a baby during bedtime prayers, he insists that I pray for a baby sister instead of a baby brother!

So I asked him the other day, "Gideon, if God does give us a baby sister, what do you think we should name her?"

Gideon: "Uh... Kevin."

Hilarious, but NO! :-)

Finally Some Fun!

Dear Benjamin,

This weekend was Jennifer's wedding, and it ended up being a fabulous time! She was the last of us to be married, and to watch her and Kevyn together was just a sweet reminder of God's perfect timing in our lives. I had mixed emotions the whole time - sad knowing that I should be wearing that tent-like size 14 dress because I should be six months pregnant with you by now, but still glad that I was able to wear the official bridesmaid dress instead (it was much more flattering!).

I found it ironic that after all the drama of the last few months, I still ended up being pregnant in her wedding, but I still didn't say anything because I didn't want to take away from her moment in the spotlight. Instead, I had her photographer take a secret picture of me holding up a sign that said, "Due March, 2011." I figured by the time she gets her wedding photos in several weeks, it will be just about the time I'm ready to share our news, so it will be a fun way for her to find out.

All in all, the weekend was fabulous, and while you were always in my heart and in my mind (after all, you should have been there), I still had a great time!


Another strange blessing came on Sunday. We stayed in the Dallas area for an extra night in order to meet up with family the next day. I saw relatives I hadn't seen in decades, and it melted my heart to see them again after so much time.

But while were were looking through (very) old family photos, I realized that Benjamin is somewhat of a family name. It was my great-great (I think) grandfather's name as well as a few others through the generations. I had no idea when we chose your name that there was some family ties to it, but it was a special blessing to discover.

I'm still thinking about you all the time, but I'm finding myself smiling a lot as well...

Love,
Mommy

Great Expectations

As I suspected (because of my crazy dreams), and much to our surprise, we are expecting another baby again! I definitely did not expect it to happen again so soon, but since when do I understand God's timing anymore! :-)

Things are a little different this time around. We have joy, of course, but we're a little reserved in expressing it, and I think we'll wait as long as possible to share the news.

We've been to the doctor, and he doesn't have any reason to think we should encounter any problems. And so far, all is going well. So for now, it's another round of morning sickness and expanding wastelines, and I will endure/enjoy it for as long as God allows me to.

God willing, our precious little one will arrive in March, and I pray, not a day too soon!