A Little Escape

When I miscarried the first time, it happened to be during the same time that Gideon stopped nursing. Now, women can experience post-partum depression at about any stage during or after pregnancy, but I've read that when a child finally weans himself, the change in hormones for the mother can be a trigger for depression.

Needless to say, when Gideon was weaned and we learned that I'd miscarried all in a matter of a couple of weeks, it did not do well for my emotions.

I remember crying. A lot.

Then when we didn't get pregnant again as soon as we hoped, I desperately needed something, anything, to look forward to to help the whole depression thing go away.

I know I should be saying that I turned to Scripture 100% and prayed and fasted my way through it, but that wouldn't be the entire truth. Obviously, my faith in my wonderful, sovereign Father and the ways He's proved Himself Good over and over again were my primary help. Like 99% of it...

But we also decided to go to Disney World, and I gotta admit, that helped me too! :-)

So when we lost Benjamin, I told Jason in passing one day that I hoped I didn't get so depressed we'd have to go to Disney World again just to get me out of it.

Well, that's all I had to say and within a matter of weeks, (maybe even days?) we had another trip booked.


We just returned from spending nine days at Disney World, and all I can do is praise God for allowing us to go on such an amazing trip. It was so wonderful to spend all day with my boys, and to see their little eyes light up at the simplest things (getting photos taken with characters, rollercoasters, bus rides, fireworks!) was just the most amazing thing ever!

Of course, beneath the surface of the pixie dust and mouse ears, I thought about a lot while in the Magic Kingdom.

I thought about the first time that Jason and I went to Disney World - before we had kids - and how I watched all of the parents pushing around their worn out little kiddos in strollers and how I prayed that God would bless us with that same expereince someday. He did (and thank you!)

I thought about Benjamin, of course, and the truth that if he was still with us, I'd be at home on last-minute baby countdown mode awaiting his arrival instead of standing in line to see Buzz Lightyear. For some reason, God thought we should be here instead, so while I still don't understand it, I'll focus on the good that comes from the bad and thank Him for it.


And I thought about our other child, still in my tummy, unknown to us but fully known to God. And I thought about how even when I'm hugging Cinderella or riding the monorail or Soarin' over a virtual California landscape, God is there in it all - holding us both in His hands, knitting another little soul one divine stitch at a time.

And I really started to look forward to meeting our next little child...