Dumb Dr. Seuss

For some reason, Gideon chose to read Happy Birthday to You! by Dr. Seuss the other night. He'd gotten Jason to read it to him the night before, and when Jason saw me starting it, he said, "Are you sure you should be reading that?" I wasn't sure what he meant, but I quickly found out. We both had to struggle to get through it, and the dumb book is officially "lost" for a long time now...

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?
You might be a fish! Or a toad on a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!
You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.
Or worse than all that... Why you might be a WASN'T!
A Wasn't has no fun at all. No, he doesn't.
A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.
But you... You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

...

If you'd never been born, then you might be an ISN'T!
An Isn't has no fun at all. No he disn't.
He never has birthdays, and that isn't pleasant.
You have to be born, or you don't get a present.