I Will Carry You - Part 2

Dear Baby Boy,

I will never forget the past thirty minutes.

As soon as Nana came to get Gideon and Canaan, I jumped in the van with my keys, my phone, and my camera and drove to the park.

The last time I took pictures at the park, this is the kind of day I was having:

It was a gorgeous spring day and I took your brothers to the park to swing and play. Only, I couldn't sit still myself, and found myself swinging with them. The air was crisp. The sky was beautiful. And I remember feeling so much joy that I just had to take a photo mid-swing to remember how I felt with my head hung back and my feet stretched high as I swung up and down, up and down, looking up at the heavens and counting my blessings.

Today was a little different.

I went to the same swings, but seemed to do more rocking than actual swinging. All around me, kids were running and playing and moms were chasing and pushing and everyone else seemed to be having the kind of Park Day that I had the last time. And in the midst of it all, I played the song that Rhonda gave me earlier (I Will Carry You) and I cried as you and I swung slowly on the swings.

I wanted to go to the park today because it's something I always to for my boys. I take them swinging, and I push them and I tickle them each time the swing gets close, and I take their picture in the swing to remember how small and sweet they are because I know I'll forget some day... [Above: Gideon ~ 3 mos; Canaan ~ 3 mos]

And I'm not too happy about the fact that I'll never be able to push you in the swings like I did your brothers.

I know you're not really with me anymore. Your sweet little soul is already in Heaven and you've no doubt got swings and parks I can't even imagine. But for now, at least, your body is still with me.

So while I'll never get to give you a bath or help you learn to walk or tickle your tummy, I could at least swing with you before you go.

And like I always do, I took a picture so I wouldn't forget our afternoon at the park. Though I honestly don't think I'll forget it any time soon.